Tinkerbell's Pages

On enjoying half term (despite the weather)...

I am officially in a good mood today! OK, so the weather over the Bank Holiday weekend was completely crap (as predicted), but today it is sunny here - well, at the moment anyway - and I am still off work! In fact, I've got the rest of the week off because it's half term (yay!) Big sis has got the same half term as me this time and we have not let the bad weather dampen our spirits so far. On Friday evening we went into London and did a bit of clothes shopping, followed by going to watch The Hound of the Baskervilles at the Duchess Theatre. OH MY GOD - it was brilliant! So funny. I'd highly recommend it if you haven't seen it (and the tickets only cost a tenner each - bargain!)

Was supposed to go to see the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie on Saturday, but boyfriend had been attacked by a mean flu bug at the end of last week, so he didn't want to venture out of the flat. Big sis and I decided to make Saturday our Brighton day out since it looked as if it was to be the only day not pouring with rain and we made the right decision. In Brighton, although it was grey and miserable, we only had a couple of spots of rain, whereas at home, according to the boyfriend it had been 'p***ing down all day'!

It's all change around here at the moment. Am helping Big sis to move into her new flat next Saturday and it now seems, that despite the complete lack of brain of the woman at the housing association, the boyfriend and I might finally be moving into our very own home sometime in July after all. Just a few more bits of paperwork to sort out and that'll hopefully be it. Very exciting!

On playing the waiting game....

We're at that stage in the flat-buying game now where nothing much is happening, After the last couple of frantic weeks, things have gone quiet now. Have filled in all the relevant paperwork (for the moment), got our mortgage agreed (in principal) and appointed a solicitor. So now we're just waiting on the loan people to get back to us. Spend time with little sis, baby niece and other female members of my family on Saturday afternoon and last night with boyfriend's family, so have shown everyone the details of the flat now. Everyone oohh-ed and aahh-ed a bit. The latest (in a long line) of concerns I had was that the boyfriend and I were going to end up homeless because the lease on our current flat runs out in two months time. We have to give two months notice if we want to leave (ie. our notice would have to be handed in the day after tomorrow), but we have no idea when we are likely to be moving. However, the lovely ladies in the letting agency have agreed to renew our contract on a month-to-month basis, so we can leave when we want, which is a big relief. We're hoping to be in the flat by sometime in July. We're keen to get moved in time for the beginning of the summer holidays and in time for boyfriend's birthday (July 26th), so that we can organise a join birthday/moving-in party in our lovely new garden. Also, we're off on holiday on Aug 20th and it's my 30th on August 29th, so we really want everything to be completed sorted and want to be settled in by then. But who knows when we're likely to move? Nothing's definite yet and I don't like it...

On the rollercoaster ride of searching for a new home...

Last week was interesting to say the least. I don't think I've ever felt so many conflicting emotions in such a short space of time. It's a long story, but it goes something like this... Over the last few weeks I have being trying to arrange for the boyfriend and I to see some flats in the local area, several of which were sold before we even got the chance to view them. We went to see a few flats which were just not for us. Suddenly - lo and behold - out of the blue, a flat in the next road to us came onto the market. From the details and photos on the website it looked perfect for us. The right location, loads of space, decorated to our taste. Better than we could ever have imagined. It just stood out a mile from anything else we had seen (or attempted to see!) Even the boyfriend managed to show a little bit of interest in going to see it. So a week ago on Saturday on the off-chance, we walked into the estate agents to see if it was available. By chance, there was actually an agent and some people there viewing it at that precise moment. We went, we both totally fell in love with it (boyfriend showed more excitement about it than I had seen him show for anything in years), we put in an offer. But could we really afford it?! And what about the other people who had viewed it at the same time and also put in an offer...????

Fast forward to last Monday, when I received about a thousand voicemail messages on my mobile from the estate agents (for the first time, I really missed having a desk job with a phone!) Not only had some evil person put in a larger offer than ours, but there was also a case of a lot of improvements which had been planned for the property which could cost up to another eight thousand pounds! Then was the case of the mortgage advisor who I was beginning to lose confidence in. Could we afford all this anyway?! By Tuesday night I was on the verge of some kind of nervous breakdown and just about to give up altogether. However, later in the week, with the original mortgage advisor duly sacked by me and by talking to another who knew exactly what he was talking about and talking to the estate agents, we came to an agreement about a price and we found out that we could afford it. In theory.

Anyway, to cut a very long story short, the vendor had to decide between us and someone else who had put in exactly the same offer once the cost of the improvements planned came to light. After another three nights of not sleeping and three days of constant phonecalls, we finally found out on Friday that our offer has been accepted! Except that poor commitment-phobic boyfriend was by this time having a major case of cold feet and about to pull the plug on the whole thing. Luckily, a very emotional chat later and a further viewing of the flat that evening (where the vendor offered to throw in about 90% of the furniture for free) made him see the error of his ways. It really is too good an opportunity for us to miss.

But apparently, all of that was the easy part. We still have to sort out the mortgage and key worker loan (which we are again now going to need). Fingers crossed! The saga continues...

On spring-cleaning my life...

Well, it seems like Spring has really arrived at last! What great weather we've been having. Had quite a family-orientated Easter weekend with tea and cakes at mum's with rest of the family on Friday afternoon, birthday lunch with whole family for big sis's birthday on Saturday and dinner on Sunday night with the boyfriend's family. Now I am fully recovered from my horrible lurgy, have finally got my appetite back and am making up for it now and eating too much again... Yesterday afternoon the boyfriend and I did some food shopping followed by a spot of spring-cleaning because the flat was a complete tip and the lovely lady from the estate agents is coming round again to check up on us on Friday morning! Am supposed to be finishing off the flat today, but am not getting on too well at the moment *blush*.

Went to see my new best friend the friendly local Mortgage Advisor this morning. He has offered to lend me a lot more money than the stingy Key Worker Housing scheme have, so the search for our new home is officially on again. It also means that I don't have to sell my soul to the education system (ie. sign up to being a teacher until I finally retire in about 40 years time!), so we're going to go for a normal mortgage instead. Really must stop searching for properties on the internet and get on with some serious cleaning and tidying up now. I'm hoping to get all the boring jobs (eg. flat cleaning and work for school) done over the next couple of days, so I can enjoy the rest of the week and the weekend before I have to go back to school on Monday. Might even take a nice jaunt down to Brighton with big sis before normality of working too hard sets in again... : )

On coming to the end of a very crappy week...

Thank goodness this week is coming to an end. It's been depressing on a major scale, but it's Friday tomorrow at least. Except I'm working again on Saturday (my second six-day week running), so the weekend's not going to be that great anyway. I spent the first few days of the week receiving increasingly depressing and frantic calls from big sis about one of our half-brothers. The family have known for the last couple of months that he had cancer, but no one really realised how bad it was and how quickly he would go into decline. My sore throat of last week turned into a long drawn-out and stinking cold, so I really didn't feel up to visiting him in hospital on Monday or Tuesday night. Unfortunately, he died yesterday morning and although he had several close family members around him, my mum (his stepmum) arrived at the hospital only about half an hour too late to say her goodbyes.

But although I am far from being an optimist, I suppose something good has come out of such a sad situation. My sisters found themselves in the same room at the same time for the first time since they were forced to suffer each other's company on Christmas Day. My half-brother got to meet his half-niece before he died and apparently, despite the pain and the knowledge that he only had hours to live, his face lit up when he saw her for the first time. And big sis held her niece for the first time since she was born at the beginning of December. Maybe even my infuriatingly stubborn sisters finally realised just how precious and important family really are in the greater scheme of things...

On attempting to buy our own home...

The boyfriend and I have recently decided to do a very grown-up thing and buy a place together (well, to be honest, it was my idea and he hasn't disagreed with it!) We're in the very early stages of sorting out whether or not we can actually afford to do this or not, but the idea of owning our own place is very appealing and quite exciting. I just feel that at our ages (30 and 29) and after over five years of paying off other people's mortgages off with our rent, the time is right. As a teacher, I've got the opportunity of getting help from a 'key worker' housing scheme, but even at this early stage, it hasn't all been plain sailing so far.

One of the options open to me as a teacher is to have a shared ownership of a property (my friend Miss S went successfully bought her own place through this scheme last year). The problem with this is that the places on offer to us are in places we'd really hate to live, so we're going for the new 'open market' option. This means that you can apply to the housing associaton for a substantial loan in conjunction with a mortgage and choose the area and home you'd like to live in. I filled the initial application in over half term, just to get an idea of how much money we'd be entitled to, but was disappointed to receive an email a couple of days later saying my application had been declined. I was a bit annoyed and confused about this as I know I fulfill all the criteria for the scheme, but when I questioned this decision, I was told that my application had actually been passed onto a different housing association because I want to live in one area (Greater London) and work in a different one (Surrey), which is covered by a different scheme (not exactly the same as rejecting it!)

Anyway, somewhat unsurprisingly, this week I got my forms returned from the new association and had to start the whole process all over again! The good news is that they have now confirmed that I do fulfill the criteria for the scheme and are just waiting on confirmation from my school that I do actually work there and am who I say I am (however, if any paperwork happens to land on the Head's desk, it might be Christmas before he gets round to filling in the forms!) Well, we're not holding our breath because we're not in any particular hurry to move, but we'll see how it goes. Big sis is looking at a similar scheme, but as her landlord is selling her flat in July (which she desperately wants to buy from him), she's in a bit more of a hurry to get things sorted! Will keep you updated... : )

On the impending birth of my first nephew or niece...

The next few days should see the arrival of my first nephew or niece into the world. I've got three (much older) half brothers, so have technically had 'half' nieces and nephews since I was only a young child myself, but this is to be my first real one. Yet why, instead of great and joy and excitement, do I find myself feeling quite numb at the prospect of the event? The baby was due last Wednesday, but sister is now scheduled to be induced on Sunday night (coincidently, this is also her 27th birthday). With younger and elder sister still not talking and both being as stubborn about the whole situation as each other, I am just totally worn out from even thinking about it. I just want to shut myself away somewhere, stick my fingers in my ears and sing 'la, la, la' loudly to myself until it all goes away.

Am still so angry at younger sister for so many reasons; but life's too short, and as I realist, I know that we all have to just get on with it. Things will never be the same between us again, but I am willing to let things go and just get on with life. Big sister, however, is a little more stubborn than me, bears grudges for a long time and is not good at backing down. It seems (and I am painfully aware of the irony) that she and younger sister have more in common with each other than I first thought! I am so disappointed and angry that I have been made to feel this way about something that should be such a happy event. I remember when the boyfriend's nephew was born (almost exactly seven years ago now) and how happy and excited I felt about it all. Everyone was so overjoyed. I should feel like that now. There's no use pretending though - I just don't : (

On having too much time to think...

The thing about being on half term is that it is a break from the usual hectic routine of everyday life and it can at times, give you too much time to think. To think about things you have been pushing to the back of your mind and you can usually pretend aren't really happening. So now I am thinking about the impending birth of my nephew/niece. My younger sister is now on maternity leave and due to give birth this time next month. I guess if I'm really honest I still haven't really come to terms with it because the initial emotion I feel is anger. Anger about the way she has treated everyone. Anger at her arrogant attitude and feeling that she has made the wrong decisions for the wrong reasons.

My family is dealing with the situation in different ways. My older sister has put on this front of false happiness as if she hasn't a care in the world and now that younger sister has moved out her her flat, there is never a mention of her, never mind the pregnancy. My older brother seems to have taken up the role of the father figure (since he is the only male role model in her life), making sure that nothing can upset younger sister in her 'delicate state' and making sure she gets her way 100% of the time. Poor Mum has done everything she can to help, accepting that the situation is real and that this is really happening. Mum has been bullied out of her bedroom at home (because younger sister and baby need more room) and has ferried sister around to hospital appointments, ante-natal yoga classes etc. She has rearranged things and put her own plans for her house on hold because of sister and baby. Mum had arranged for a decorator to come tomorrow to paint the rooms to suit younger sister. She has waited around for hours for baby stuff to be delivered while younger sister has been at work. However, today out of the blue younger sister announces that the local housing association have found a flat for her and she's moving out next week. She hasn't once thanked my Mum for everything she's done for her over the last few months. I just hope that her own child turns out to be more grateful than she is.

On getting all nostalgic at Mum's ...

Happy Easter everyone! Just a quick note between family meals and chocolate egg-giving. Have just come back from lunch at my mum's and am soon off to the boyfriend's parents' for dinner. Haven't had the time or space to consume any easter eggs yet, which is a poor show indeed for Easter Sunday. Whilst at mum's, I found an old box full of photos - stretching back as far as the 1960s before my parents were married and long before any of us kids were born. I love looking at the old photos - of the whole family together at Christmas, birthdays, on holiday, school photos or simply playing in the garden. So many memories and arguments over who was the cutest baby (everyone I think was in general agreement that I was the ugliest baby of the four of us and my brother was the cutest, although he failed to show at the meal, so has not officially been bestowed with this honour).

My elder sister found a classic photo of the two of us standing on the trampoline we used to have in the back garden. It really is quite hideous - we're about 4 and 5 and wearing matching swimming costumes. We both have awful hair and really stupid smiles on our faces. But we both love the photo because it shows us how we really used to be (and still are - we haven't changed that much!) and because you can't help but smile when you look at it (thankfully, I have spared you the horror of scanning it and putting it on this page!) It just sums up our childhood so perfectly and made me feel a little bit nostalgic, knowing that those days are long gone now : (

On trying to be good ...

Woo hoo! It's the Easter holidays and the sun is shining (sort-of)! Tried to be good yesterday and got up before boyfriend got up for work (OK, admittedly he is doing the late shift at work this week, so wasn't up til 11am!) Spent a lot of time cleaning and tidying my lounge and bedroom, only to indulge in a pointless hour-long phone conversation with my sister in the afternoon. She is also a teacher and therefore also off school and trying to convince me to 'go and have fun' with her instead of being good. This morning I was up at 6am to put the bins out (aah, the glamourous life I lead), but did go back to bed for a few hours afterwards!

Am trying so hard to avoid the temptations of daytime TV, staying in bed all morning and lazing around, but it's difficult. Am going to clean the bathroom today and make a start on some work for school this afternoon (great fun). I'm trying to get all the boring stuff out of the way over the next couple of days, so I can have fun later in the week. Am meeting up with my good friend Monkey Boy for drinks in Covent Garden tomorrow night and it's my sister's 30th on Friday, so have various exciting things planned for that over the weekend (Thurs: family meal, Fri: birthday drinks and Sat: secret surprise outing for sis planned by me - will reveal more later).

But for now, it's out with the marigolds again for more cleaning action. Can't wait.